Finding out, what makes you happy, which direction to choose in life, how you react when you totally don´t know what to do and what´s your passion, is the hardest and the most worthy mission in my life. When I wake up in the morning and start in a new day, I try to make sure that the next few hours of my life could be worth living. That I got the possibility to learn something – best of all, something completely new – and what ever makes my day, should be near to myself.
Finding out, what this could be, how and who I am, is not as easy as it seems. Most of the time in my life, I had no idea about it. And I acted, like there is some kind of global plan for everyone – just like a perfect template (not only for civil-engineers). For this, I had to ignore all kinds of inconvenience and pain. And I don´t mean „pain“ as a metaphor: I really had difficulty with breathing, my head was aching and my back drove me mad. Slowly I was trying to change things, behavior and after all: my mindset. For this I startet to write – most of the time once or more per day, for the last ten years. And as I changed the way of commuting (used to drive by car and till today I combine bike and train) as well, I had time to write in the morning and evening almost every day. And I have to say: finding out about my own passion and trying to be „the best version of myself“ is something I have to learn every single day.
Being the best version of myself doesn´t mean that I could be some kind of superhero. In fact it´s the other way round. Even just to identify oneself with an cleared up and sober-minded person could go wrong. This happened to me in the last few days and being identified with this „version“ of me, made it hard to keep in contact with my emotions and fears. And it´s all the same with my playful part: there are many things that I don´t allow to myself – subliminally – because I think, acting serious means the same as being professionally. But that´s not true. It´s only on my mind and many easy ways to solve something are much better then others. And: it´s nearer by myself.
Bild: Roland Nappe